Choosing You
by SocialDisease609
Summary: In which the whole AI plot doesn't exist, and Lexa was never shot... or Clarke chooses heart over head... if you know what I mean lol
1. Chapter 1

Clarke tightly held onto Octavia's hand, needing the small comfort of her friend in this moment. Her heart was trembling, and her lungs were struggling to take in air, making her dizzy beyond belief. She swore that if Octavia wasn't there walking beside her, her legs would've given in beneath her, sending her collapsing to the cold stone floor.

She couldn't believe what she was doing, especially since her heart was telling her that this was all wrong. She didn't have to do any soul searching to know that in the first time in her life, she did not want to do anything for her people.

A small part of her was sickened by this revelation. This part of her was probably the old Clarke. She had thought this Clarke had died with the Mountain, and that any remnant of its spirit had been purged in her months of feral solitude. The ghost of her past looked down at her selfishness, disgusted.

But the Clarke that had emerged from the ashes of that old soul, this phoenix, had been reborn with newfound wisdom, opening her mind's eye to the fact that she was being completely and utterly used by her people this whole time. Clarke Griffin was not allowed to be human. She had saved them from the Mountain, had saved them from the slaughter of Lexa's mighty warriors in the time of Finn's sacrifice, stressed to make alliances with Anya- and even in the days of the Ark, joined her father's crusade in telling her people the truth. But it was all clear now: no good deed goes unpunished. Since Clarke was constantly doing all she could to save her people, her people began to expect all the hard work to be done by her. They were allowed to act out on their human pain, Clarke was not. They wanted to heal their hearts with power and violence, not bothering to respect the diplomacy Clarke was strenuously trying to achieve. They couldn't even be bothered to follow her example: Clarke Griffin but aside her pride and swore fealty to Lexa to save her people, but her people couldn't put aside theirs. They expected her to follow the rules that they felt entitled to break. She was their Atlas- expected to hold the world on her suffering shoulders while they sought to be righteous in their stubbornness.

These people were undeserving of her. The only old part of her that seemed reasonable was the cry to her blood- her mother, whom she unconditionally loved despite her outward displays of old grudges. Abby would be the only person she would consider coming home to now.

"Come on," nurtured Octavia's voice, the impatient demeanor the lone wolf had displayed hours ago in the capitol tower was long gone, and Clarke could only assume that the only Arkadian sister had sensed her heartbreaking aura. "The horses are just down the path, do you see them?"

Clarke could. In the distance she could see two blurry Grounder guards holding the reins to two stallions. They were to gallop as fast as they could out of the inner city of Polis, through the outskirts, and as deep into the woods that they could go, in hopes of reaching Arkadia before the blockade was officially in force.

Sensing a peculiar feeling of being watched, Clarke turned her head to glance behind her as Octavia continued to quietly escort her down the dirt path. Since they were still within the inner city, Lexa's tower was not far off, and to an electrifying heartbeat, Clarke could see the Commander. She seemed to be miles away as Clarke could barely make out any of the woman's features, but knew that her beloved could not resist watching her leave, and could see the notorious red sash weakly being carried by the soft breezes of the evening wind. Lexa must have quickly changed into her battle gear to symbolically commemorate the start of the kill order. Clarke could only assume that some kind of public address was to happen in Polis shortly after she and Octavia left.

Clarke turned back to look at Octavia, who had tried to subtly pick up the pace. She was looking straight ahead with dedicated attention. She must have sensed Lexa as well, and knew that getting Clarke to the horses faster was her priority.

"Octavia…"

"No."

"I can't-"

"Yes, you can. You can do it, Clarke."

There was no denying that their pace picked up now, as Clarke was now on the verge of tripping with every step just to keep up with Octavia's handhold.

"O…"

Octavia came to a surrendered halt and jerked their linked hands to the side, as if she was going to throw Clarke's hand out of her grasp. Clarke looked into her friend's eyes and saw something besides frustration.

"I can't control them without you, Clarke. They're out of control. I've done what I can to reach Bellamy, but he's too attached to Pike's emotional propaganda to take me seriously. Any influence we've had in the past is gone."

Clarke's heart felt tender at Octavia's plea, truly feeling for her friend.

"You know what's going to happen, Clarke," Octavia continued. "They think that because they have the ammunition, they have the winning chance. That massacre outside Arkadia is proof. They _will not_ respect Lexa's blockade. They _will_ charge it. There are only two things that can stop Arkadia: genocide and you."

"I cannot stop them," Clarke said dejectedly, "They will not listen to me either. You saw what Bellamy did. I tried to negotiate with him, and he ignored my words just to imprison me. If I go back, it will be to a cell somewhere. There is no way they would let me influence any politics, especially given my connection to Lexa."

"They don't know about you two," Octavia said. "No one from the Ark knows. They just know that your partnered with Lexa for the Mountain, and that you partnered again for second alliance."

"My mom?"

"If she suspects, she's never brought it up."

Clarke took a moment to think, weighing her options. She could go back to Arkadia, be put in some debriefing room for a week or two, and then see what kind of influence she still had left, or she could stay with Lexa, risking her own safety at every waking moment and let the Arkadian rebellion take themselves to their own death. Logically, going to Arkadia was unfortunately the best move for everyone.

… but what's to stop the Arkadians from getting themselves slaughtered at the blockade anyway? Octavia's words rang true: _they will charge it_. With or without Clarke, Pike and his zealots were going to wage war anyway. So the choices were: be powerless and watch the Arkadians declare ware, or be beside Lexa at every waking moment and watch the Arkadians declare ware. Either way, war would happen. But happiness? Happiness for Clarke's human soul was only offered in one option…

"Octavia…"

"Clarke, don't…" Octavia began to shake her head, closing her eyes tight, and Clarke thought for a second that she saw a tear brimming in the warrior's lashes.

"I'm so sorry," Clarke's voice began to tremble, aching for hurting Octavia's faith. "I can't change anything. I'm not what everyone thinks I am. I can't save anyone. No one can. Not anymore."

Clarke reached out desperately to pull Octavia into her embrace, as the warrior nestled her head against the right side of Clarke's face, and sure enough, Clarke could feel warm teardrops stick to her cheek.

"What do I tell them?" Octavia asked, her voice sounded gravelly as she continued to cling to Clarke.

"The truth. Tell them I do not support their hysteria. And call it that, so that any of them left with any sense will recognize it as that."

Octavia gently removed herself from the hug and wiped a tear away from her face. "You know they will call it treason, right?"

Clarke cracked a small smile and said, "That's what they called it last time when I told the truth."

Octavia mustered a quick laugh at the comment, and nodded. Everyone remembered the Griffin's calling out the Ark's life sustaining systems. They had shared the reality with the people because they believed they had a right to know, and here a Griffin stood once more, standing up for reality and the truth.

"Be careful, alright?" Octavia pleaded, "Tell Lexa… that if she doesn't keep you safe, she's gonna have a serious talk with me."

Clarke scoffed at the playful comment, "I'll let her know."

Octavia nodded once more and began to take a few steps backwards, before turning around to continue down the road to the horses, she said "May we meet again…"

"May we meet again," Clarke reciprocated and watched her friend quickly jog towards the horses, and noticed that the guards standing there were moving restlessly, no doubt confused by Clarke no accompanying Octavia anymore. Turning around, Clarke saw Lexa in the distance where she last saw her moments ago, moving just as agitatedly as the guards helping Octavia. Lexa knew something was happening, and was probably panicking. Following Octavia's example, Clarke began to job down the dusty road, passing buildings and shacks. The more Lexa came into view, the faster Clarke picked up her pace.

Her heart fluttered, and her spirit made her want to laugh at her stupidity, because that's how it felt. Stupid, young love. God, she wanted Lexa's love more than anything that she was risking everything just to feel her ecstasy. She could die for love. She was content with that idea. But missing out on love for someone else's stupidity? That was a waste of life and opportunities.

"Clarke, what are you doing?" Lexa asked, her voice loud and bewildered as Clarke came to a stepping halt in front of her.

"Choosing you," Clarke said breathlessly with an enamored smile, blissful at being able to see Lexa's obscure emerald eyes once more.

"Heda, this is unacceptable. Order for Wanheda to be taken away. For her own safety." Titus, whom Clarke hadn't even realized was there, stood stoically, with his hands behind his back, pretending to be poised with discipline; but Clarke could see the fury behind his eyes.

"Clarke has chosen to stay under my protection, Titus. She can stay, and she _will_ be safe, with me." Lexa retorted, trying to stay composed in front of Clarke.

"How will the people see it? How can you guarantee that your guards will not take an opportunity to kill Wanheda? You specified in the kill order that _any_ Skaikru found outside their area of the blockade must be killed on sight. Wanheda or not, her title does not protect her from being Skaikru."

"Then I will kill any guard, or _anyone_ , who tries to harm Clarke, is that clear?" Lexa seethed, already preparing to defend Clarke with everything she could muster. Clarke could feel the heat of rage radiating off the two, and felt uncomfortable, but a part of her was slightly aroused at Lexa's violently protective devotion.

"I'll stay with her," Clarke offered. "I won't roam the tower or Polis. I just want to be with her, that's it."

"The people will not be happy with this, Heda. She mustn't be allowed to stay! For the efficacy of your authority and kill order, Heda, I beg you, you will lose respect and control if they see that you have spared Wanheda. They will see her as a spy that has gotten the better of you-"

Lexa stepped forward to Titus, powerful and fearless.

The man spoke quicker to get his point across, "You know that this is valid, it's not my personal opinions on Wanheda. How would _anyone_ see an enemy being allowed to stay because of a leader's feelings? It can only be seen that way."

Lexa stopped her advancement at hearing these words. Titus had a point, but Clarke was not there to double-cross Lexa. She was that one percent of cases where the "enemy" stayed to actually love another person.

"I can go into hiding. Disguise myself again," Clarke offered.

Titus and Lexa made no recognition of her words, but were battling in a stare down.

"Lexa?" Clarke asked, hoping to break the tension.

"We'll talk about this later, Titus, but she's staying with me," Lexa said, stepping back to stand beside Clarke. "I have to address my people," she began, returning to the soft voice she reserved only for Clarke, "You must wait inside the tower, for your safety. We will figure out how to keep you here when I return from my speech."

"That's fine," Clarke said, just as softly. She placed her hands over Lexa's shoulders and pulled the Commander closer to her, placing a long and tender kiss on her lover's lips. Clarke felt herself melt at the touch, and her sex felt a dull ache deep within, resonating the physical memory of Lexa being inside her just a few hours before. When they pulled away from the kiss, Clarke could see Lexa was a bit lightheaded, and the sight made her smile.

"Come, Clarke, with me," Titus said exasperatedly, waving his hand to gesture her to walk. "We will wait for the Commander in one of the rooms on the first floor of the tower. We must get you in without anyone looking."

Clarke looked at Lexa, who was smiling, still thinking about how splendid and romantic this whole situation was. It made Clarke wonder just how much romance Lexa had ever experienced before her, and if every act of romance was indeed an act of rebellion towards her duty.

When Titus had finally found a room for Clarke to hide in, he gave her a shawl to keep his golden hair hidden under, and left her in the room to join Lexa in the speech. Curious to hear what Lexa would address, Clarke pressed her ear against the wooden door and hoped that she would be able to pick up on the commotion outside the tower. She could hear the thunderous roar of applause and chants. The whole city must have been at the doorstep of the tower, and Clarke approved of the outside briefing, as the throne room was definitely not the best place to host an event with Lexa's citizens, and not just her politicians.

"My fellow Trigeda members, and all others present from each and every clan," as Lexa's voice started, the crowd instantly muted and listened to their leader, "With a heavy heart, in remembrance of the three hundred brave and noble souls we have recently lost, I am commencing the start of a blockade and kill order. The initiation of the Skaikru as the thirteenth clan has come to a disturbing halt. Due to the unwavering efforts of Wanheda, an alliance was once again proposed between our people and hers. She and Skaikru acting-chancellor Marcus Kane submitted before me in fealty, as many of you may already know. However, as proof of the weaknesses of an oligarchy and democracy that ran the political machine of Arkadia, they had elected a new leader shortly after. This new leader festered ideologies of empowerment through blind vengeance instead of directed justice. Because of this philosophy, Skaikru is infected with an insurgency. This new leader of theirs, Pike, is to blame. Because of Skaikru's eagerness to join us once again, after Wanheda's triumph at the Mountain, I am giving Skaikru one more chance to do right by us…"

The crowd erupted, and Clarke could only pinpoint comments and shouts of disapproval as she pressed her ear harder against the door.

"I know what you all are thinking; you want all of Skaikru to pay…"

The crowd exploded in confirmation.

"But Skaikru as a whole is not to blame. I have already consulted with Skaikru members who are still loyal to the alliance, and have received intel on how they propose to proceed. In order to keep you safe from the zealots infecting Skaikru, I have enacted this blockade. All Skaikru who are on our side know not to cross it, so if one does cross, you are now aware that that person is one of the infected. Skaikru plans to return to my authority…"

The crowd was getting more and more restless, eager for violent promises.

"As soon as they kill their leader."

The crowd silenced and murmurs spread.

"To show their allegiance to our alliance, they are willing to assassinate this Pike during our blockade. They are willing to _kill_ their Chancellor to be by our side. I urge you to respect the blockade and let the Skaikru heal themselves from this disease of zealotry, and when it is taken care of, I will negotiate with Wanheda and Marcus Kane to surrender all his accomplices to be brought to justice here in Polis."

Applause broke out and a rumble of cheers vibrated through the ground.

"This blockade will grant you all protection from the bloody revolution Skaikru is on the cusp of enduring. I ask you all to have faith in our allies and in my strategies. Soon we will have justice, and soon, we will have peace."

The applause continued feverishly, and Clarke could tell that Lexa's approval rate- if that system existed among the Grounder culture- was rising. She had felt personally guilty for shaking the Grounder justice system and Lexa's hold on her people by suggesting blood must not have blood, but she was proud of Lexa for finding a way to rally her people behind it- albeit it was done with the promise of blood must have blood in terms of the accomplices being brought to Polis for trial. But that was another problem…as Clarke remembered Octavia's crying face just moments before, and the prospect of what this speech said was in store for Bellamy…


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke didn't even think about hiding if someone were to open the door of the room she was placed in. She was too excited by the thought that for the first time in her life, she enjoyed the concept of being selfish. The door carefully opened, as Lexa peered inside to make sure Clarke was still there. At the first moment of eye contact, Lexa smiled and slipped inside the room without opening the door too wide, with Titus following behind. Clarke met Lexa halfway, and wasted no time in wrapping her arms around her lover's waist. Lexa's smile was still present, perhaps beaming for the first time in years. Titus exhaled deeply to subtly regain their attention.

"I know you two must be happy to have each other, but we must discuss Wanheda's safety immediately. If you wish her to stay, this must be our first priority," he said, unwavering in his opinion. Lexa nodded and parted herself from Clarke as gently as she could.

"He is right, Clarke," Lexa said, "If my kill order is to be taken seriously, we must find a legal and socially acceptable loophole into allowing you to stay."

"Why can't I just disguise myself again?" Clarke asked with a shrug.

"Too many people recognize your features, Clarke. Plenty attended the Summit initiating Skaikru, too many influential figures know who you are." Titus shook his head as he said replied.

"What about some kind of… ward concept?" Clarke offered.

"Wards are used after a conflict is resolved, taking you as any kind of prisoner of war will only give more cause for Skaikru to instigate violence. They justify an attack on us by using you as an excuse," Titus declined again.

"What do you suggest, Titus?" Lexa asked, folding her arms in frustration. "Because it seems that every suggestion Clarke has is going to be met with your disapproval."

"There is one way," Titus began, his eyes dropping to the ground as he offered his idea, "that will allow Clarke to stay legally within our side of the blockade without directly injuring your authority."

"Directly?" Lexa inquired.

"If Clarke is to stay here without her stay being seen as weak favoritism among some of the public, Clarke must be one of us. Your initial order was for Clarke and Octavia, and any other Skaikru member for that matter, to be on the appropriate side of the blockade by dawn. It is still dusk. If Clarke renounces her allegiance to Skaikru and becomes a citizen of Trigeda before dawn, she will be allowed to stay. It will make her a legal member of the clans, voiding out her status as Skaikru. Some people may not like it when they find out, but the disapproval will not be as impactful on your reign as if you had simply allowed Clarke to stay without Wanheda respecting the law."

"You want me to turn my back on my people?" Clarke asked.

Titus flexed his jaw slightly. "I want you to respect Heda," was all he said in return.

"Why can Clarke not seek asylum instead?" Lexa proposed, seeing the troubled thoughts behind Clarke's gaze. "Asylum provides protection for people of a certain group who feel they are going to be persecuted by their group's leadership."

"Clarke is under not persecuted threat. She will face no prejudice among her people," Titus answered, followed by Clarke scoffing.

"You really think that if I were to go back to Arkadia that they would welcome me back in with open arms? I will face prejudice from Pike and his little regime. They will most likely imprison me when I first set foot back at the camp, just like they did when I tried to talk to Bellamy a while ago."

"You are under no prejudiced threat. Asylum focuses on racial, religious, or any social category facing persecution. Simply being on the opposing side of a leader does not qualify you for asylum, and a blockade removes the opportunity for our community to take in refugees."

"So you are saying that her only choice is to leave her home… permanently?" Lexa asked, "You are saying that Clarke must forsake an enormous part of her identity in order to stay on this side?"

"It is the only way for this to be done to keep the people happy, Heda," Titus replied, practically pleaded. "I know you believe that I am out to separate you two, but now I see that this cannot be done. The best thing I can do now is make sure that if you two are going to stay together that it must be done the right way. I have sworn to protect and uphold you, Heda. Trust me when I say that this is the best option to do so."

Lexa frowned and turned to Clarke. "It is your call, Clarke. I will not force you to stay with me. If you wish to go back and join Octavia on the road, I will not stop or judge you."

Clarke's mind was processing the information at lightning speed, and it didn't take much for her to blurt out "No, I'm staying with you."

Lexa and Titus were silent to Clarke's words, just staring at the young Wanheda.

"Do you know what you are sacrificing?" Lexa asked cautiously, as if Clarke was some kind of sleeping beast she did not wish to anger.

"… yes."

Octavia had charged down the dirt paths as hard as her horse would allow, feeling her stomach twist, turn, and knot. She did not know how she would explain Clarke's absence to her friend's benefit. They would see this as betrayal for sure. If this coup did not succeed, there would be no hope of Clarke coming back home. She would be an enemy to the Arkadian society. A deserter. If caught, Clarke would most likely be put to death.

Arkadia was not far off, and the pitch black sky she navigated with for hours on end signaled that it had to have been at least one in the morning. She felt sorry for the beast underneath her for having to gallop so ferociously without much rest and water, but knew that her life, and the lives of those she cared about in Arkadia, deepened on her making it home in time.

It felt bizarre to call Arkadia that. For her whole life, Octavia had felt like the Ark was never her home. She understood why her family kept her hidden for the majority of her life, but her imprisonment only caused a festering of contempt for her society. Now that those same individuals were partially in power again, Octavia felt the familiar hatred awaken, her heart feeling like a volcano shifting out of dormancy. She didn't know if she had the capability to keep herself in control, and keep the hate from spewing from her body like deadly magma.

The powered field lights of the settlement came into view past the tree line, and Octavia pressed her heels into her horse to press the beast on to gallop faster. She did not want to enter the camp any faster. She knew she had to, but her heart wished she'd stall out the journey, just to have a few more moments before entering the wrong side of war.

Her hatred and their hatred should not mix. Not like water and oil, but like water and electricity. This situation would result in more lethality than just Pike's demise.

As she got closer her heart felt as if it had just been violently squeezed as she heard a loud crack reverberate across the night sky and the sound of something whizzing by her ear in a split second. She let herself exhale shakily, realizing that she had been fired upon. The guard must be assuming that she's a Grounder, and that reflected how they felt about the blockade. Of course Skaikru would starting killing people on the wrong side of the blockade before dawn actually hit. She gripped her reigns tighter, in hopes of grounding her mind and stilling her fear.

Another crack among the sky, and another missed bullet. If this is how the Arkadia militia's aim was, the Grounders might actually stand a chance.

"Stop!" she heard a voice shout from the camp. "Stop! Don't fire!"

As her horse galloped closer, she developed a better view of the Arkadian settlement, and there by the main gate was none other than her brother Bellamy Blake. She could distinguish Pike not too far off behind him. She steadied her stallion to a trot as the large fence of a gate began to pull open slowly, allowing her to trek inside the compound.

"Octavia, you're back," Bellamy said, sounding truly relieved, watching his sister dismount.

"You're back on the right side, Octavia," said Pike, walking towards them and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Smart choice. The people will be happy to see that you, the one who assimilated the most to Grounder culture, chose her home people in the end." He smiled reoutinely, no doubt saying these words for more political influence as all the gate patrol guards, and nosy onlookers, watched. "But where is Clarke?"

As he asked this question, Octavia heard her friend's name being shouted desperately in the growing crowd, and soon Abby Griffin made her way to Pike's side.

"Clarke?" she asked, a glint of hopefulness shining in the doctor's eyes.

"She's on the other side," was all Octavia had the strength to mutter. She took Helios's reigns in her hands and began to walk beside the beast, intending on leading him to one of the few stables in the camp.

"What do you mean?" Abby asked, fully understanding, but not wanting to accept the reality.

"She chose to stay in Polis. She does not support Pike's hysteria." Octavia knew that Clarke had asked her to say these words, in hope of instilling new feelings in Pike's radicals, but when the words left her mouth, she felt like she had signed Clarke's death certificate.

Abby's jaw dropped, searching Octavia's face. The young warrior knew that Abby did not support Pike either, and that the doctor was probably thinking about how Clarke should have arrived anyway.

Pike roughly cleared his throat as he processed her words, his eyes shifting every second or so to the crowd watching his every move.

"Hysteria?" he asked, mustering faux laughter. "Clarke Griffin calls our crusade for safety and justice hysteria?"

"Traitor!" Octavia heard someone shout in the crowd, and watched Abby's troubled face grow more and more with worry.

"Now, now," Pike said, raising his arm to quell the energetic crowd. "Clarke Griffin is still one of us. We will get her back, where she will meet justice in a trial. We are fair people, who govern our land and society with civilized rules. Clarke will come back when she realizes that the Grounder community doesn't want her. She has betrayed her people for those who won't take her in. If she crosses our lines again, we will make an example out of her." The crowd mumbled in agreement. "For now, we must prepare for any attacks we may face in the wake of this kill order set by the Grounder Commander."

He left the crowd and it dispersed with him, leaving Octavia standing in the front of the settlement with just Abby and Bellamy.

"O, I'm so happy you came back, I was worried you were going to stay over there," Bellamy said, reaching over to hug his sister, who simply reciprocated weakly.

"I need some time alone, Bellamy, you can talk to me later," Octavia said, quickly leaving the hug. She saw her brother's Adams apple shift as he swallowed her rejection and nodded as he turned away. Before Bellamy was completely out of sight, Octavia sent a look towards the frozen Abby and mouthed the words "follow me"…


End file.
